


A Gift

by odinsons



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Loki - Freeform, Pre-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), acotar spinoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 03:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18111995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odinsons/pseuds/odinsons
Summary: Loki tells her the story of them, after she finds out that he's known her for six whole years.Inspired by chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas. If you know, you know.





	A Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is just a fun little thing that I wrote. Hope you all enjoy :) Also yes, my character is known as the Defender of Asgard!! Just thought it'd be a fun spin on things.

Eight days had passed, and my apartment began to look like the beginning of a conspiracy.  
Papers were littered everywhere--some in perfect condition, with no ink spilled on them, others ripped up or in a ball of frustration in the corner, just missing the bin. Not to mention, the dishes in the sink that were neatly stacked, but dirty. I sighed, taking how disgusting it was. I never left my room in the palace so...filthy.  
Frigga had reminded me of this when she visited me. She had brought me food, and we chatted about what had been happening in the palace, how Thor was doing with the investigations, Sif and her pregnancy, and her own garden. Not once did she bring up Loki. She knew I wasn’t ready. Not yet.  
But my writing...it had helped me, these past few days. It helped me deal with what he had told me, the unspoken truth between us, and my own thoughts that I’d been battling since I got here. And never once had my thoughts bored me--they brought me to dangerous, yet, beautiful places.   
Only my own apartment wasn’t dangerous and beautiful--it was a sincere hazard to anybody who walked through those doors. I stood, stretching my arms and legs like a cat after a long nap. My silk slippers were the only noise in my apartment, save for the piano I had enchanted to play some light music as I worked.  
Scrubbing the remnants of food from the last week and a bit was horrifying. I enjoyed cleaning and doing dishes, but this...I couldn’t stomach it. I tried not to cringe as I wiped off a piece of wet food, and watched as it went down, down, down the drain.   
The piano was breaking to a falsetto as I finished the last of the dishes, placing them all to dry on the rack. And somehow...I felt lighter. Yet, grimy. I could still feel those wet chunks of food in my fingers. Damn the paper scattered across the room--I needed a bath.

🜺

The bath water had gone cold by the time I got out, smelling like the sage and ylang ylang bath salts Frigga had also brought me all those nights ago. I would have fallen asleep, if not for the realization that I still had a bit more cleaning to do.  
And as I threw one of the last crumpled up sheets of paper into the bin, an impatient and nervous knock thundered throughout my apartment. Grateful for the fact that my flat was now clean, I wasn’t so afraid to let Frigga into my home.  
I swung open the door, only to see that Frigga wasn’t leaning against the doorframe.  
I stared at those emerald eyes--they stared back at my hazel ones.  
Loki didn’t say a word as he looked at me. He only stared and stared, and I saw all the words in those eyes before he could even open his mouth. And I knew that if I shut the door on him, he’d leave. He’d wait until I opened it again. He hated busybodies as much as I did.  
This...man. God. This strong being of starlight...he was an enigma. Yet, I saw behind those mischievous eyes and that cunning mind. He was caring, and selfless--and albeit, an idiot sometimes, but he...he was everything I could ask for, and more.   
My friend, my lover...and now? I wasn’t so sure what we were now.  
Though a scarf covered his mouth, I saw his eyes crease into a relieved smile as I side-stepped and allowed him into my now spotless apartment. He twisted his jaw out of the thick scarf, and the smirk on his lips confirmed my suspicions. “You wrote,” He said, motioning with his jaw to where papers were neatly stacked on the table. My heart stopped, the urge to hide my handiwork coursing through me. “Don’t worry, I won’t read it.”  
I knew he meant that. “Thanks,” I said, playing with my fingers. Now that he was inside my apartment, I wasn’t so sure what to do. And despite always being five steps ahead, I don’t think Loki knew what to do, either. We stood there in a pregnant silence, my eyes finding the floor more interesting than his beautiful features and the inevitability of talking.  
“Did...did you want something to drink? Eat?” I asked, only to get rid of the awkward quiet. I travelled over to my fridge and peered inside, “I’ve got...Norns, I’ve got nothing--” I turned around to go to my cabinet, only to find that he was standing mere inches behind me.  
“I’m alright with water, darling,” Loki said, his voice a comforting purr. “Take a seat, I’ll grab it.”   
I nodded and padded over to my couch, despite how this was my house and I should be giving the orders. He joined me on the couch a few moments later, a safe distance away from me and a second cup of water in his hands. “I bet you’re wondering why I’m here,” Loki said.  
I lifted an eyebrow. “Before you tell me, could you put down a coaster?”  
Loki looked down at the floor, a hint of a smile on his lips. He obliged my only request, then cleared his throat. “I want to tell you something I’ve known for a long time, but I...I don’t want you to resent me for it. And if you do, I understand, and I will walk away,” He began.  
I don’t think I could ever resent him--despite the bomb dropped on me all those days ago--but I let him tell his story.  
“After Thor had destroyed the bifrost and I attempted to...to kill myself, I ended up in a dark room with a nasty gash in my forehead and wondering over and over again, why am I not dead?”  
I swallowed hard, feeling those words too heavily.  
“And when I finally sat up, I came face to face with a titan. Thanos, actually. He sat on his throne as though he was royalty, as though it meant something, and in that moment...I really did wish I was dead. I had no family, no home, no allies, and not a single plan in my head. But then Thanos smiled, actually smiled, and his exact words were ‘we’re going to have so much fun together’.  
“My immortality was a blessing, but also a curse, because Thanos realized I couldn’t die. I’d just heal myself or find some way to cheat it. So he chained me to a pole, and bound my wrists behind my back. And..” He caught his breath, his eyes lined with silver. “And he got chitauri to torture me. To slice me, to listen to me beg, to feast on my blood until I swore i had none left. But Thanos didn’t know the one thing about me that only few knew; I’m a Frost Giant. And he’d had no clue that fire was my tender spot. No matter how hard he pushed, no matter how loud I screamed, he would never extract my weakness from me.  
“That was until he’d pushed me so far, that my skin had turned blue and the world around me was too hot to bear. And then he knew. So he got one of his cronies to grab him his flamethrower, and…I swear, I’d never felt pain as awful as flesh burning.” Loki dropped his gold cuff on my couch, then lifted his sleeve. Green magic danced around his arm as he lifted the glamour on it, revealing blue skin with gruesome burn marks that looked like thunder attempting to release itself from beneath the surface. My eyes burned as I realized that a piece of his flesh was missing. I wasn’t sure what the rest of his body looked like.  
“I always wondered what he wanted with me. If he wanted information on how to infiltrate Asgard, or if he wanted to see how long an immortal could last through pain. But night after night, his cronies would burn me. But not to the point of death, no. They always made sure to accelerate my healing, thanks to the food I was fed twice a day. And if I got lucky, there’d be a day or two where he’d leave me alone and healers would try their best to save my skin. I think despite their master’s brutality, they were kind. And I hated every waking moment of every day, but they made me hate it a little less.  
“One day, Thanos sits down in his throne, watching my half-naked body writhe from pain that isn’t even there yet and he tells me that he has a mission for me. Of course, me being the hard-headed Asgardian that I am, I ask him what this mission is. And I got whipped for it. Thanos only explained that he was building an army of Chitauri to take over the world--and I’d be the one to lead this army. He didn’t give me a choice, and told me I had two days to plan everything together and decide how I’m going to plan it out.  
“That night, he’d placed me in a room with a bed. An actual bed. With a bathroom connected to it. I never knew that such light existed in such a hellhole. He gave me a new set of clothes like my old Asgardian leathers and sheets of paper to map out my plans. Little did he know, from that night, I’d been planning to kill him.   
“Two days passed, and a rip between the universe had conveniently placed itself right in my steps. And...these next few parts are the parts where you’re going to resent me.”   
My hand shook as I grabbed my glass to take a sip of water. I wasn’t sure what to expect, considering all the things I’d been told.  
“Thanos equipped me with this scepter to defend myself on Earth. Little did he know I was a Mage and I’d do fine, but people listen to you when you’re holding onto a pointy weapon with a dangerous material in its core. And when I used it...I made people do things. A scientist and an archer were my first victims. Only they had survived that S.H.I.E.L.D. plant crumbling, along with me and a few other agents that I slipped up on.  
“I realized that this scepter...whenever I held it, it made me feel light, as if something else was controlling my limbs. My words didn’t feel like mine, and I can barely remember this awful, awful year because of it. But all I can remember are those moments were I’d let go of the scepter and I’d cry. I’d cry for my brother, who was waiting for me to come home, though he thought I was dead. I’d cry for the orphaned boy in a temple, who didn’t know his life was a lie. And in these moments, I’d get these...visions. Though they’d only made me cry harder.  
“My favourite one was of this girl who had hands like gold and who’s laugh I could remember even when I was in those moments where he had my mind in his palm. And I wasn’t sure of who she was, or where she even was...but she felt close. So night after night, I’d wait for her, and every single time, she’d come to me. Flashes of a book being written. A high school graduation. A bed with a flannel shirt. The sound of a slap, so much like a thunderclap. Crying on a pillow. Every single night, I’d hate myself for doing this because I’d be hurting her. If she even was real.  
“I went to Stuttgart to get that mineral, and that whole experience was a blackout. Minus the part where Steve Rogers completely kicked my ass. And this was the moment where I knew they were taking me away, locking me up so I wouldn’t carry on with these plans. And every moment I spent in that glass cage, was every moment I could have been closer to killing Thanos. Every moment I could have spent trying to reverse this. But even in that glass cage...Thanos still had my mind.  
“It was only at night she’d come to me. And I knew that I had to protect her, because the final battle was coming so soon. I felt it in my bones. So I sent a message to her.” His hand squeezed me tightly, as if he needed to brace himself. “I told her to get out of the city, to go visit her aunt outside town for a month. Because she hadn’t seen her in years, and she was getting sick of writing to her cousin as opposed to actually seeing her. So she packed her bags.”  
I swallowed, my hands shaking. Hot tears stung my eyes, because I knew what was coming next. Because I knew the truth before he spat it out.  
“And she was on an airplane a week later, grateful to be out of her mother’s evil clutches for once in her life.”  
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “You...saved me?”  
He nodded. “And a few days after that was the great battle of New York, where I purposely lost. If Thanos figured that out yet, I couldn’t be sure but it was a hell of a fight. I don’t think he realized that after Thor and I’s brawl on Stark Tower, I’d snapped out of his clutches and began my own destruction. And I...I feel the weight of all those deaths on me so often it’s suffocating.”  
I don’t think you realize how much blood I’ve got on my hands.  
All that screaming in his sleep…  
I’ve been someone’s pet once. I won’t be that again.  
I want to protect you.  
“You came home the day after it happened because you had to make sure that your terrible mother was still alive and that your best friend had survived. Thankfully, your best friend was. And as soon as Thor was about to bring me back to Asgard...I saw you. And you saw me.  
“You looked scared. I don’t think you realized that I was the one wreaking havoc on the city all those days ago. And...I felt so much hate for myself in that moment, because I was a killer, and if we had ever crossed paths, you’d only see me as such.  
“And I hadn’t thought about you for three whole years.” He took a sip of his water. “I’d assumed it was some fever dream that would happen due to the after effects of the tesseract, but...you came back. As soon as Thor brought me to the Dark Elves it all happened again. This time you were looking for houses, going to parties with music that boomed, an internship.   
“Then I saw you and Thor together with his woman and that brilliant scientist whose mind I had shattered. And I almost wanted to cry, because you were so close and I was faking my death and if I even showed up he’d kill me again. So I didn’t say anything, just pretended to be my father all while acting like I’d died.”  
“When...when did our paths meet?” I asked.  
Loki laughed through his tears, watching me as I scooted over to him, caressing his face in my palm. “Well, let’s see. This was between when I came back from being Odin and before Ragnarok. So it was still when I was under ‘lockdown’ as Sif called it, but not really. One night, when I was sitting outside and watching the stars, I felt something almost as painful as when my frozen skin was being burned in flames hotter than Hel. I felt something inside of me unravel like rope, falling, falling, falling, until I realized that rope led to you. I damned the consequences and came down to Earth immediately, and threw my magic at you to keep you alive.  
“I know you wanted to die, but I could only think of myself in that moment. And I knew you had so much more life to experience, so much happiness and joy and more adventures to have. Call me selfish, call me whatever, but...I couldn’t see another life lost like that.  
“So I disguise myself as a nurse to check up on you. And I know it’s creepy but I had to know you were okay. You were. But you thought me suspicious, and oddly familiar. I didn’t want to tell you that you were the girl in my dreams, nor did I want your suspicions to arise, so I said, ‘I just have a familiar face’ and went back to Asgard.   
“Flash forward, Thor brings you to Asgard because he, too, felt you. This time, he heard your cry for help. And at this point I’m soiling my pants because this girl who I’ve been seeing is coming and she’ll be right beside me. But…”  
“You were a pompous ass and stayed away from me,” I said.  
Loki’s face heated. “I hate to admit it, but that’s what I did. But only because I was afraid to scare you off, or lose you, or...hurt you in any way. And when Thor brought you to me because he wanted you to learn magic, I can’t tell you if I’d shut down of that was the happiest I felt in a while. Though every time I looked at you I felt sad. Because I was a killer and a traitor and a liar...and I didn’t deserve you.  
“I didn’t want to tell you any of it. For the fear that you would believe this things that I tell myself at night. That I still tell myself at night. Though Thanos is off somewhere causing chaos in the galaxy...I don’t think he’s ever left me. And I don’t want you to see that side of me. But if we’re going to be...whatever you want us to be, I need to be honest.   
“I can’t stay away from you. And I don’t think you realize I won’t ever be able to. But if you cast me out of your life, I understand, . And I don’t expect anything out of you, out of...us. I…” He paused, biting the inside of his cheek. “I will always love you. A part of me always will, no matter how old I get.”  
He loosed a long breath, a tear falling onto my fingers.   
I wiped them away and sat on his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist. Carefully.  
“You love me?”  
He nodded without saying anything.  
This man. This man who had been through so much pain, so much torture...he didn’t believe himself worthy of love. Though, it wasn’t the truth. Because no matter how bad he may think he is...I don’t think he realizes how much good he does.  
“I love you too, Loki,” I said, my voice hoarse. “And...I want you to know that I am thankful. So thankful, for all you have done. For protecting me. For saving me. And I want you to know…” I wanted to swallow back these next few words. But he deserved to know. “You have always held a part of my heart. Always. Despite the madness before this.”  
His arms wrapped around me and he pressed his forehead to my shoulder, his body shaking. I stroked a hand through his hair, somewhat curly, probably due to the fact that it wasn’t styled.  
“I love you,” I said. “And all that blood on your hands doesn’t belong to you. You may have pulled the trigger but...there were strings making you do those evil things. You are not evil. And you are healing, and broken, I understand, but I will be here for you every step of the way.  
“You...you are my equal in every way possible.”  
I kissed his forehead, then moved down to his lips, which were salty with tears. “I love you,” I repeated.   
Loki’s lips connected with mine again--gentle, soft, as though he was afraid he may hurt me. Such a contrast from our desperate, heated kisses. His hand found his way through my hair, bringing my lips deeper into the kiss. The taste of him against me was enough to make me forget about everything around me--damn Ragnarok, damn the book I was writing, damn the title of Defender. This...this was everything.


End file.
